This Crazy Life

The Big Kahuna

Wowzer. This is it. My very first official blog post.

As you may already know, I’ve been a part of the blogging world for a little over a year now as a writer for the Colorado Springs Moms Blog. I guess writing for the Blog just gave me quite the itch; an itch that I was hesitant to scratch, to be honest, because I was afraid of opening Pandora’s box.

But, as itches tend to go, I couldn’t help myself. No matter how hard I tried, and no matter how many times I was told that my itch would likely transform into a nasty, permanent scar were I to keep at it, here I am. I’ve gone and done it now, y’all.

It’s not as scary as I thought it would be, really. I love writing, so it was a fairly natural decision. And, let’s be real – everyone and their mom has a blog these days (literally, my mom also has a blog). It seems like that takes some of the pressure off; everyone’s doing it, so why not be just another fish in the vast sea?

Of course I don’t really want that to be how you view my blog. I’d love for you to have a powerful draw to kissesfromboys, finding truth, edification, grace, joy, and even a small sense of camaraderie in the words that I write.

I’m still a bit uneasy about Pandora and her box, though. I’ve found over the past couple of years that, as a stay-at-home-mom, it is entirely too easy to become entirely too busy. It’s like the world – and thus you, yourself – suddenly views you as this woman (or man – holla at your stay-at-home-dads!) with little commitment tied to your day. You’re only keeping another human – or maybe a small army – alive and decently clean and sort of fed (toddlers, am I right?) and mostly happy.

No big deal. Easy peasy. You’ve totally got this.

So why not add a trip to the library, a workout class (praise Jesus for me time, which keeps me sane, which ensures these little people live to see another day), a few babysitting gigs to help friends out, some dinner dates with other couples and their own basketball team of kids, a walk to the park, the decision to start up a small business you can work from home, and some blog posts here and there.

Not to mention all of the normal, everyday, expected undertakings of cooking, laundry, wiping, dusting, ironing, scrubbing, vacuuming, and picking up those dang Hot Wheels cars 5,743,926 times a day.

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Needless to say, I sometimes fall prey to the lie that being a stay-at-home-mom in and of itself simply isn’t enough, perpetuating this ridiculous notion that I must add more, add better, add significant to my plate in order to be worthy. So, when I decided to add this blog to a plate that some days seems to be spilling over at its edges, I got cold feet.

Did you know that I’ve had this domain since July of last year? I have literally been dreaming of this moment for six months, yet I didn’t do a darn thing about it because I’d let fear consume me.

I’m probably the first and only person to do that, right? To let fear hold me back from God’s will and intentions – His perfect will that would ultimately propel me toward living a life that is fulfilling beyond any measly dream I could muster by my own strength and efforts. I know you’d never make that same mistake, that’s for sure.

If only I could surrender, plug my nose (yes, I’m still five years old), and cannonball into that crisp, azure water, leaving the bothersome boat full of self-doubt, embarrassment, and discomfort behind to sink to the ocean’s floor, sans me. I ain’t going down with you, Skippy. Not this time.

So, here I am, goggles on, nose plugged, rocking that bikini (who am I kidding?) one-piece from Target, ready to belly flop into this wild and crazy adventure that God planted in the depths of my heart.

I come humbly, awakened, with anticipation and without expectation. Only absolute certainty that God will show up and do a good work here. Maybe even a great one, if I let Him.

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